Wednesday, February 3, 2010

We Can Change the Moon

Once again, I lost myself within the monotonous necessities of everyday and for that I have to apologize. I hate when I do that. I hate when I'm so caught up that I unravel, unmotivate, unbecome myself. Do you ever feel that way?
It's always a phone call, or an email, or a phone call because of an email; or a dinner, or a drink, or a drink that turns into dinner. It's always something. Typically something with someone I love, but it's always something. Slowing down now to take in a cool February breath...
If there's one thing all this hubbub has done, it has made me think. Not that my thought processes were turned off or anything, but I think a different bulb has started to flicker. The new light is confusing and enchanting at the same time. Everything I thought I wanted and where I was going after graduation is changing. My ideas of a career are suddenly not as absolute as I had imagined and the prospect of being back at the bottom are truly scary. 
I realize that my only answer is this: happiness.
All I want is to be just above content every morning and every night so that smiling is never a challenge and dancing never seems like exercise. I never want to think that a view from a skyscraper is "beautiful" or enjoy a $15 cocktail. I never want to forget what the country sky looks like at night or what New England feels like in October. I want to, now more than ever, recognize when I am happiest and who I am happiest with, because then I believe the rest will just fall naturally. 

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